Sometimes I look at my toddler girls playing and their teenage face emerges.  I envision them all sassy, giving me lip, running upstairs and slamming the door because I won’t let them wear shorts that show their butt cheeks to school.

And, as they’re losing their dumb teenage minds, shouting mean things and slamming doors, I’ll gently remind them …

You used to beg to watch me poop. Like, wail and scream and stick your tiny little hand under the door as if seeing me poop was life or death. I’d let you in and and you’d just stand there, leaning up against my knees, smiling, never breaking eye contact. You were obsessed with me like a serial killer, and I never once got a restraining order. You’re welcome.

You and  your sister used to fight over kissing me. You would both sit on my lap and then kiss me, back and forth, aggressively, pushing each other out of the way, wrapping your arms around my neck like we’re slow dancing at prom. Oh, that makes you want to gag, does it? Well guess what? You loved me way more than this guy I don’t like who keeps texting you, so why don’t we just block his number, k?

You got sick every. single. freaking. time I made fun plans out of the house. I didn’t have fun for at least a decade. So I’d stay home and shimmy out of my skinny jeans, into giant pajama pants (okay fine, a small part of me was relieved). I held you, loved you and rocked you. Checked your temperature. Prayed over you. Watched terribly annoying kids shows that made me want to unzip out of my skin and go running for the hills with you. So I’m sorry you’re upset you can’t go to the party, but this feels a bit like karma, don’t you think?

So although you have teenage amnesia about your slightly creepy, obsessive love – our love for each other as already been set deep into your soul – there’s no running from it, even from behind your bedroom door. It’s where you’ll draw your strength when life gets hard, or lonely. When you fail or a dream slips between your fingers. It’s the place you can always run to and feel safe. Get strong, and venture out again.

You might forget it now, but it’s apart of you so you’ll remember soon enough. And I’ll be right here, with my bathroom door wide open, waiting for you.

Okay, no I won’t. But you get my point.

 

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