I find that on every weight loss journey I’ve embarked on, it’s a moral imperative to share my success blueprint to anyone who will listen after I lose the first 5 lbs of water weight.
“It comes down to one thing – discipline. In mind, body and spirit,” I’ll say to my friend who’s trying to enjoy her burrito in peace.”This isn’t a diet – it’s my life. Wow, your burrito looks good. Did you get extra guac?”
So it’s in this same motivational spirit I’d like to share some tips with you.
- Some people you may know, including women, will eat everything and anything because if they don’t they’ll “get too skinny.” End the relationship – it’s doomed
- Some of us will never see 120 lbs again. Can we finally stop making this our New Years Resolution? Unless we get into some kind of accident where our hefty limbs are lopped off, it is what it is.
- When getting on a scale at a doctor’s office, wear your shoes and coat. That way you can tell yourself that the sneakers and Ralph Lauren jacket you got at TJ Max are to blame for the 35 extra pounds – and you are now free to enjoy the rest of your day.
- Try not to be so deflated when you haven’t dropped 3 pant sizes by day 6. I know it’s hard.
- A wealthy woman like Marie Osmond did not lose weight on Nutrisystem eating fake, non-perishable food in tiny packets day after day, mmkay?
- If you do manage to drop some pounds, for the love of Oprah, be honest with how you did it. I’ve found that newly thin people get weird and downplay all the sacrifice they endured to get there. If I hear one more celebrity say she lost 40 lbs of baby weight in 2 weeks by “chasing my kids around all day” I’m gonna start randomly throat punching all of LA. If you licked a stick of butter for 2 months, own it. If you got gastric, show the scars. If you cried day after day over a dry salad, speak your truth. Pretending it was easier than it was only hurts those who are struggling.
- Make a commitment to yourself to have a detached, clinical relationship with the number on the scale because once you’re over the age of 35, a celery stick will pack on 6.8 lbs of water weight and you’ll slip into the “life is unfair” abyss, to which there is no return. Repeat after me, It’s just data.
- Never diet with your husband, unless you enjoy watching someone who is partially committed, still drinking beer and eating the occasional burger, melt before your eyes while you gain 3 lbs of “muscle” thanks to your at home jazzercise routine.
- Have you seen Jennifer Anniston lately? She’s 50 years old. Forgive her and forgive yourself.
- Here’s the truth – as I get older, my motivation to be fit has evolved from “looking super hot” to realizing that when my girls are my age, I’ll be in my 70s (!!). They’re going to need me, if my daily 1000 texts to my own mom is any indication. I want to be strong, healthy and vibrant for my children and grandchildren- my pant size is finally (sorta) irrelevant. Thank God! And that’s the best and only advice I really have – do it for reasons that are good and right, loving and gentle.
Alright, that’s all I got – I’m going for a walk.