TALK WITH TODDLERS AT YOUR OWN RISK

ME: Poppy, how come you don’t like Jumping for Jesus? (Yes, at her preschool (at a church), they have a bounce house called Jumping for Jesus. Yes, the teachers casually refer to it as if it’s not hilarious and I laugh every time I hear it and then taper my laughter into a cough as I realize no one else thinks it’s as funny as I do).

POPPY: Because it’s scary! All the kids bump into me!

ME: Oh my! They do? Yes, I bet it’s a bit bumpy in there. So instead of jumping, I heard you watched Mickey’s Clubhouse with another little boy instead. What was his name?

POPPY: Yeah! I watch Mickey with Eeeshen. He has brown hair!

ME: Oh he does? His name is Ethan?

POPPY: No, Eeeeeshan.

LUCY: Nathan?

POPPY: No. Eeeeeeshen.

ROB: Eeeshen?

POPPY: NO NO NO! EESHEN!

ME: Watch your tone, little lady! That’s what Daddy just said, we’re doing the best we can with what we got here. One more time, nice and slow … what was it?

POPPY: Mickey Mouse!

ME: No, no. The boy with the brown hair.

POPPY: He doesn’t have brown hair, he has big black ears!

😐
😐
😐

ME: Rob pass me my phone, I need to get this handled.

If you want to know how this ends, read the comments in this thread. PLOT TWIST.