I swear I don’t cuss in front of my kids.

I don’t think.

I really don’t think I do. 

Do I?

I run a Christian Life Coaching membership group for cripes sake! I write devotionals for my church!

And my sweet baby has a mouth like Sharon Osbourne 😭

It’s mostly damn and dammit. Sh*t I’m still in denial about. It happened once while we were potty training, ironically enough, and missed the toilet. I clutched my pearls so hard she never said it again. Maybe she was suggesting *ship* lap for a new bathroom remodel? I had just binged on Fixer Upper, after-all. Yeah, that’s totally it. Ship lap.

But the word damn or dammit is her jam. No amount of discipline or correction will get her to stop. It’s a part of her beloved repertoire like Rainbow Dash, Fishy Crackers, Elsa and “Mommy, can I eat half of whatever you’re eating even though I already ate my entire lunch?”

When someone cuts me off in traffic, I make a concerted effort to limit all insults to schoolyard lingo – like buttface or fart nugget.

I don’t deserve this.

I have girlfriends who have a mouth on them like they’re in a motorcycle gang but their babies are all Anne of Green Gables. It’s not fair!

Here are public places where my 4 year old has used her favorite profanity:

😟 At Whole Foods when I had to tell her they were out of her favorite yogurt.

😟 While playing a card game with my mom.

😟 On our way into Sunday School because her hair clip fell out.

😟 To a server at a restaurant when her water tipped over.

😟 To the UPS guy when our Bulldog Bruno snuck past me out the door.

😟 Etc. etc.

She obviously heard it somewhere. My neighbor probably. Maybe she logged on to the underbelly of YouTube when we were all asleep.

But it wasn’t me. I swear it wasn’t me. Any suggestions? Alright I gotta go, the damn dog won’t stop barking at our neighbor.