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well, hello.

I've written a little something for you.

Have we met yet? I'm a writer, humorist, etc. Several of my personal essays have gone viral (fart story anyone?). Hit me up and say hi!

I just wrote a hilarious new book for HarperCollins/Nelson Books to be released 2021. Join my newsletter e-fam to be the first one to get a copy!

I think everything's funny ... eventually. It helps to write about it.

I'd rather ...

… come to your house and read my essays directly to your face, but I spose joining my e-Fam will have to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    latest essay

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    • White Thighs and Red Hair

      What I remember the most, unfortunately, were my thighs. As I was poised in stirrups, I couldn’t get my eyes, or my mind, off them. And not attractive, long, slightly tanned Gwyneth Paltrow-esque thighs. They were more like the bright...

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    White Thighs and Red Hair

    What I remember the most, unfortunately, were my thighs. As I was poised in stirrups,...Read More
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    The wrong pipe.

    The fault lies at the feet of Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit gum. I’ve been living in...Read More
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    The little hand keeps spinning

    It’s 5:45 AM and Poppy is quietly standing by my bedside. She stares at me,...Read More
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    You’ll scare the other patients.

    Mom let the freak flag fly the day I was born. All natural, no meds,...Read More
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    Lost and found

    The front door was wide open when I pulled into the driveway. That bothered me...Read More
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    A lit up room.

    My dad lifted me on to the kitchen island, walked all the way to the...Read More